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Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Someday...

"Life can never be smooth sailing always."

…quoted from dearest mom.

"In life you can only expect two things: you being born and you dieing one day."

…quoted from somewhere, heard from my lecturer.


I expect myself from dieing of a terrible disease someday.

Maybe from cancer.

Due to the bashing I give my body daily at this young age now.

Sleep late, wake up early. Eat less, drink lots (not alcoholic please)

Exercising less than usual.

I have not been running since school started.

I have not been walking to school since the NTU internal shuttle bus was free.

I’m becoming a lazy pig.

A skinny pig.


If it is not cancer, then most probably I will die from my own opinionated, stubborn and stuckup views.

I guess many people would want to stab me at the back, bite my neck off or “zamph” me with a low blow. I guess their blood boil from my fierce attempts of stating my own stand by throwing my arrogant and pissing views at their faces.

How often that I unknowingly offend people?

Put up a presentation for my Human Resource Management tutorial early this week. We had to interview senior managers and present our findings and experience in this tutorial. The maximum number of managers to interview was pecked at three.

I was shot by my tutor in the admist of my presentation on why I had only decided to interview one manager instead of more.

Maybe I was really pissed of this doing this assignment anyway that I immediately fought back on his accusation.

It doesn’t matter how many managers you can interview. You can interview 3 or even 10 managers. To me, all it matters is the process of going through the interview. More importantly is to learn from the experience of interviewing and meeting people of more seniority and experience than yourself…..”

“But then you need another manager to compare and evaluate the difference in response to the questions that you interviewed the managers…” my prof shot back again.

As I said, to me, what is more important is the process of doing this assignment…” at some point I felt my voice was really annoyed and quite loud with ascents of anger. In attempt to remedy my rudeness, I quickly raised a hand at the prof and said “sorry” before I carried on with my opinionated and pissing views on not interviewing more than one manager.

Well, at a later part of the presentation, I did admit that it was my fault that I did not send enough emails out to source for my interviews. I was rather naïve that only two mails would guarantee interviews for this assignment.

Sometimes I feel that my presentations can be intimidating and fierce at times to the audience. Maybe because I just cannot mend my stubbornness.

At least no fights or quarrels blew between the professor and the student. Though the possibility was high after shooting me with so many questions during my presentation.


Stubbornness leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering… which leads to death?

Stubborn = 他本 with 死 stressed!

Me die of my own stubbornness, one day I will.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Angel and Devil



I guess there are an Angel and a Devil accompanying each final year student.

The Angel tells the student to study hard and run the last leg of the paper chase with the utmost effort. This is the final burst to the endless years of studying. A time to end with a joyous triumph at the end of the finishing line. So the Angel nags at the student’s ear, encouraging him to work hard on the FYP, play less and keep up with the tutorial.

On the other hand, the Devil tries to coax the final year student to enjoy the most that he can. After all, this is the end of the student life and the start of the hectic working life in months to come. If you do not play now, when is the best time to do so? So the Devil seduces the student with many nice, new computer games and super interesting movies and TV shows. Often asking the student to leave the FYP and tutorials to go for supper and “la teh” sessions and leave those studying schedules until tomorrow.

So the conflicts between the Angel and the Devil continue day in, day out. The one who suffers in the end is the mortal, the student. The student strives for the best. Study hard, plays even harder. The student who wanted to meet both studies and play, plans the time to the fullest, sleeps late, wakes up early, answering calls to the Angel or the Devil, depending on which party wins in the event of a conflict. Sometimes, the conflict last so long that the student eventually ends up doing nothing, pondering over the stuff to do in priority.

Mortals are vulnerable beings. The extent of the conflicts which urges the student to drive his body to above its own limits and to an overdrive causes it to breakdown. At the point of malfunction, the Angel and the Devil ditches the student and the student is finally left to himself again. He sees his own vulnerability finally. All plans to play, to work hard were given a halt. The student answers to himself, understanding what he needs. He needs a rest.

It is not about meeting expectations but knowing how to let go.

Something easy to say but difficult to action.

The student feels that he needs to learn and time to adapt.

Not the Angel or the Devil.